Volume: 2

Rah, Rah

A corporate "team building" exercise at sea.

Once in the ocean, "Diana" so it said, stepped right up and declared that she had a lot of sailing experience and would steer Anthem. Diana was beautiful. She could have been April Meier's twin and had a big ring on her finger with a diamond that could easily cut a jib sheet. I allowed her to drive but for the safety of others, she had to remove that ring.

They talked of flooring, quotas and components. I didn't know what flooring was in that context. Someone asked me what I did and I told him I was a DBA. He didn't know what that was but "Bert" nearby did. Bert was grumpy and overbearing.

The boats had running backstays, baby stays, winches, pedestal winches, winch handles, thick lines, thin lines, cables, wires, a mast and a boom. It would be a miracle if everyone finished with the same number of limbs they started with. I picked four guys to handle the jib sheets and spent ten minutes teaching them to wind them onto winches without crushing their fingers.

We lined up with Rocket Science, sailed side-by-side and sort of made it look like we were racing. Diana steered like she was a gold medalist in slalom skiing. It was hard to admonish someone that cute. "Penny" appeared to be having trouble holding down her lunch.

Bert may have watched the America's Cup on TV. He was the tactician, barking orders to Diana. I ignored him, scanning for death threats. The rain subsided. The wind was from the southeast at about fifteen knots. The sky was dark gray and the water dark green. The air was sixty. Wild Turkey.

Bert wanted to drive the second charade. Diana reluctantly relinquished the helm. He thought that because there was a steering wheel it should always move. He must have studied sine waves somewhere. I didn't care where we went. I just wanted him to avoid that pier over there or that island over there. And oops, Penny lost her battle. Good that she launched it over the rail, however it was the weather rail. There was some beef stroganoff spray. Rocket Science's mainsail ripped in half, as if Diana took a shot at it with her ring. We sailed in. "Tina" nearly fell overboard but was saved by a muscular dude who hugged her a little too long. Some of the corporate guys looked like cardiac patients that failed the treadmill. Everyone told inside jokes and laughed, except Penny. Rah, rah.