Volume: 3
Trouble in the bushes next door.
We hooked it all up. We spent an hour testing and tweaking and another hour waiting for a bark. We drank more beer. Around sunset the dog came out. We fired it all up.
Yap, yap yap, whined the little shit. WAR, WAR, WAR answered the machine back in his face. Not bad. It whimpered, a little confused. It yapped again. WAAAAAAR. Volume up. The dog began to tremble. Shit-sue put a little growl in its next yap.
WAR, WAR and ya, baby, WAR! Leaves fell out of trees. We laughed and didn't spill any beer. Then, silence. No more yapping. We won and drank more beer.
The next day I fine-tuned the program, returned to the electronics store and got my own floor amp and mike set. That night, around sunset, yap, yap, yap. WAR, WAR, WAR. I may have overcooked it. My invention blew out two windows in the neighbor's house.
The police were no longer laughing. I invited them in and showed them the rig, explained how it worked but they stopped me when I got to the programming part. I turned the volume down and was going to demonstrate with the original recording. I didn't get far as the little yapper started in.
"I don't have to do anything. It only kicks in when their dog starts up. Go ahead, make a barking sound. It won't do anything." The two officers, one a woman, looked at each other. She barked. Silence. But that lit the yapper. The machine went off.
They left, smiling, somewhat impressed. I imagined their squad car conversation involved investing in this thing.